SerendipityOfSorts

My recent travels to Taipei/Kaoshiung, Haikou/Sanya and Krabi were all great fun... (lazy to upload photos)

Except that I had a "slight" accident in Krabi while on an ATV! I actually fell off a cliff (my friend said I flew)... due to complacency I think... anyhow... all in all I only had abrasions and a ginormous bump... limping a bit due to the pain... doctor said I probably need 2 weeks to recover fully and by then I can skip and hop again... *phew*

My greatest fear when I landed on the ground was the ATV landing on me... it's heavy and hot!

Thinking back...

I now laugh at the entire incident...

My friend joked that I had probably wrecked the entire ecosystem during my flight from bringing down 3 young banana trees to crushing whatever insects from my flight landing... also luckily the trees were not bamboo trees and there was not a porcupine passing by when I landed on the ground...

Also I am afraid of creepy crawlies... and obviously I was only told after that there were multiple grasshoppers and other insects all over me... :P

But mostly, thinking back... I thank God ;)

*Also the nickname "Superwoman" maybe stuck on me for sometime...*

The Time Traveler's Wife

Currently reading this... and will only watch the movie when i finish reading the book... not too sure if i can complete reading this... am really bad at finishing books ;)

Go away Dark Clouds...

You left with your trails of destruction and the stains and scars from your destruction...

Why wasn't it just a nightmare... where's my sunshine?

Every new day, a new hope flourishes for a sunshiney day... every new day is met with rapid flashes of the horrid reality...

I am going through an emotional rollercoaster ride and the rides more often than not, leave me at a very dark lonely place...

I've been told that my blog entries are "dark" and I realise it's probably because I update this more when I am down rather than when I am going through the highs of my life...

Here I am at it again... my low...

Anyhow, I know it'll be better in time... I'm trying - I seriously am... maybe it's me seriously trying that my friends think I am pushing myself too hard... hmmm come to think of it - I am tired... from doing things to get through life by the second...

I thank God for the friends around me... I pray for strength, wisdom and courage to go through this low point in my life... I can't wait for the day when the sun shines on me again (the impatient me again)...

I have passed through the questioning phase (ie "why me...???")... probably even the dazed phase... definitely going through the anger and realisation phase... albeit still having a very crushed heart... looking forward to the acceptance and recovery phases...

I guess this is the "stupid process" of recovery... just need to be patient and come out of the entire fiasco better and stronger... (or so they always say;))

Now I wish I could just take out my heart and store it in a locked chest and only retrieve it when it heals... (sounds familiar?) or perhaps take a chill pill or even perhaps with the blink of an eye, erase the memories I do not want to keep...

This is my current fave song.. something I can relate to

Time... something that I have at hand, something that I know will bring me through ;) so looking forward to the day... meanwhile, I need to start doing things for myself... all for myself...

Better in time

by Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there no one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming don't wanna laugh
Hurt my feelings but that's the path
I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus]

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorusx2]

When do you know enough is enough? Or maybe just enough to know...

... that it's time to move on... that it's time to find greener pastures... that it's time to seek something else which doesn't bring you down...

What makes you decide that it's enough? Or perhaps just enough to decide...

... that you've reach the breaking point... that you'll reach the verge of breaking down... that reality will hit you really hard in your face...

How do you tell that you're strong enough? Or possibly just enough to tell... 

... that you can make the decision and stick with it... that you're ready work on it and never look back with regrets...

Who can tell me that it's time to hold on to certain things that I shouldn't let go of and let go of things that I shouldn't hold on to... (and what are these certain things... pray tell?)

How much time is needed to realise all these?

**********

I hate having the team A and team B debating in me... and yet neither can answer any of the questions above with conviction...

that's a positive way of looking at things... consoling myself that life goes on...

albeit whatever happens... it does for a reason... consoling myself now...

• it could have been worst
• it wasn't my fault
• people around me are understanding
• i have friends to bitch to

my dad's a really positive person and i've learnt a trick or two from him... and it does shift the entire perspective of things... i was bitching once that income taxes does take a chunk from me *ouch* and looking at the reference chart to examine the percentages that increases with your pay... it's painful... but my positive dad just said, hey but it only means that if your tax percentage goes up, your pay is increasing way more...

hmmm, well so every year when i fill the forms, i look forward to comparing which bracket am in vs the previous year - something like the growth chart a mum would keep for her growing kid... and every year i view it as a positive thing...

life and happiness is really what you make of it...

A type of track and field race - sprinting against time while overcoming 10 hurdles along the way...

Doesn't life feels like that? But I guess the only thing with life - you don't know when, where and how many hurdles will be coming your way...

I tend to be positive most of the times - or at least try to be to keep myself going and going and going... at the end of the day, at least I know I've tried...

With so many challenges at hand - that's what I've been adopting... but today... I broke down... I for a moment doubted what I was doing... stop believeing that it's an opportunity to try and a glimpse of hope still at sight... because it doesn't help that the hurdles just kept on coming with the cheerleaders at the side of the track telling you that you just can't do it cause it's just the way things are...

At the point where my spirit was super dampened, the encouragement came again... knowing that I'm not alone in this and there are cheerleaders on my side cheering me on... I see the hope again... and now just hoping for the best...

Phew... life...

??????????????????????

i thought life is simple, or at least you can make it simple... but i guess reality does bite... and somehow it doesn't become simple as much as you try...

so many crossroads and decisions... which just isn't simple...

things don't always happen the way you plan out to be, but the worst is to be caught in a situation where you don't know what to do... and thus no plan...

??????????????????????

my blog entries recently hasn't been as exciting, carefree and serendipitious as i started out with (or at least i think so)... but harsh reality of life gets in the way...

why can't life be simple...???

Wonder ponder

i can't say that i'm lost, neither am i in a dark lonely space...

i've been busy with work... and *touch wood* things are going pretty ok... with occassional time catching up with friends and family... hmmm guess one can't ask for more? especially when i am actually enjoying all the things i've been doing...

but somehow, when i have the little time for myself to think, i can't decide on what i'm trying to achieve... (oddly enough it's Max's tagline on his blog... ;)

i used to know what i want... i think i still know what i want from certain facets in my life... but not all...

is it quarter life crisis??? or is it the age thingy when you start losing the sense of being "happy go lucky" or just being able to exclaim "life goes on" and "carpe diem"... then again age is just a number ya?

well i've been told that i've lost the happy-go-lucky me that my friends used to know... guess reality really bites... no, in fact reality chomps out the carefree part of you... (or is it age) hehehe

what do i want? why can't i see things the way i used to... all bright and sunny...? must there be the occassional dark clouds for you to really appreciate the sunny days? hmmmph...